It’s not easy watching someone you love slowly slip into the fog of Alzheimer’s. Accepting my mom’s diagnosis has been one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. But through the grief, confusion, and changes, there have been some surprisingly sweet moments — and a lot of those have come through technology.
Since Dad died, I’ve played “tech coach” for Mom. Back in the day, she mastered email, Facebook, and even Zoom — which really came in handy during COVID. But as her memory declined, so did her ability to use devices. And with all the scams out there, it eventually became safer for her to go offline completely.
That left us with her landline. Unfortunately, that rang off the hook with robocalls and scams. Plus, she had to remember phone numbers — a major challenge these days. She’d often lose the paper they were written on, and it just added more stress to her day.
Enter Alexa’s Drop-In Feature
Now, we’ve found a new rhythm that works beautifully: I use the Amazon Alexa “Drop-In” feature like an intercom. Mom doesn’t have to push any buttons or answer anything — I just magically appear in her room like a friendly little voice assistant. Yes, the first time she was a tad freaked out.. “Who’s talking to me? Where are you?” But now she’s very used to it and can even tell Alexa to call us rather than having to use a phone at all.
I “drop in” every morning when she’s just waking up and again at night as she’s getting ready for bed. Sometimes she’s already snoozing by the time I call, but she’ll sleepily murmur something like, “It’s so nice to hear your voice,” or “It’s like you’re giving me a goodnight kiss.”
She also occasionally says something like, “Tomorrow we’ll be crossing the canal.” (Confusing Carlton Senior Living with a cruise ship is an idea I inadvertently planted in her head when I told her how much Carlton was like a cruise ship. But that’s OK! It is!)
We always end with a sweet “Good night! I love you!”
And Yes — We Still FaceTime!
Mom’s iPhone is ancient — I think it may have once belonged to my dad, who passed away in 2010 — but it still has FaceTime! Outgoing calls? Nearly impossible for her now. But if I prep her by asking her to find her phone first, she’s usually able to answer my call. And when she sees my face, she lights up.
“Isn’t technology wonderful?” she exclaims like it’s the first time she’s ever seen a video call.
One of the best parts of Alzheimer’s is that some joys and surprises happen over and over again.
On the mornings she’s scared because she doesn’t know where she is, she immediately calms down, once she sees me. I go through a quick little summary of her life starting from birth, her childhood, meeting Philip and dating him, meeting my Dad and marrying him, having 4 children (her favorite being her daughter, Yvette! j/k), reconnecting with Philip, ending with the move to Carlton last Thanksgiving.
She nods throughout and thanks me profusely. She seems to remember, and even if she’s still a little confused, she’s much more grounded. I stay on the phone with her while she gets dressed and ready for breakfast. Before long, she’s secure again with a care partner at Carlton.
Tiny Treasures from Home
Another fun surprise has been showing her familiar items I brought back to Colorado from her home.
This morning’s visit with Mom was one of the best. My granddaughter, Reneya, had spent the night and had helped me unpack Mom’s huge collection of miniatures.
This morning, I really wanted to do FaceTime so I could show Mom the miniatures and how much Reneya was enjoying them, too. But FaceTime didn’t work! It turned out somehow Mom’s phone had been put into airplane mode. After 30 minutes of stepping Mom through touching the various icons to debug and fix the problem, we finally had success!
And it was well worth it! Mom was so thrilled – she fixed the problem, she got to see and talk to both Reneya and me, and she got to see the miniatures from the dollhouse she loved for decades. We reminisced together – the tiny personalized mugs,
the piano, so much like ours,
the miniature afghan she’d made for the nursery.
Mom was smiling from ear to ear and said the call was like a wonderful gift.
Mother’s Day Joy
I had a similar experience with Mom on Mother’s Day.
I showed off the adorable strawberry hat my daughter-in-law made me for Mother’s Day — using leftover yarn from her crochet projects. Mom was completely charmed.
These moments matter. They ground her. They remind me that connection is still possible. And they give me reassurance, that even while I’m in Colorado, I can visit her.
In many ways, these virtual visits are even better than visiting in person. They allow Mom to continue her routine without disruption. They also help both of us know that she is OK without me there. She’s happy to see that I’m able to carry on with my life in Colorado, even while we’re visiting on the phone. I tell her how proud I am of her… how she is and always has been such a wonderful, strong example of a mother. I see the pride and happiness in her eyes.
The next day we may have the same conversation all over again. And that’s fine, because each time I feel grateful to see her smile and hear her “I love you” as we say goodbye.
Want to help?
This June, I’m supporting the Alzheimer’s Association’s “Longest Day” — a campaign that raises funds and awareness for Alzheimer’s care, support, and research. If you’ve ever been touched by dementia, please consider donating:
🔗 http://act.alz.org/goto/KeepMemoriesAlive
Let’s keep memories alive — one call, one miniature, one strawberry hat at a time.
